The Gift of a Family Meeting
A Sanity Saving Golden Nugget to Managing a Friction-Free Home
I wonder if autumn, adorned in all of its glorious golden hues, minds sharing its annual return consistently accompanied by the rush and activity of a new school year escorted by holiday trumpets beginning to blast “Buy Me” from the isles of local stores.
The shift from the external (yang) season of summer to the internal (yin) season of fall offers us an invitation to slow down and self reflect. It’s a season to consider releasing what no longer serves us (as the trees do by releasing their leaves) while creating space for rest, contemplation, and interconnection.
And although the cosmos would prefer we align with its predetermined intentions, the pulse of our collective culture during this upcoming season can evoke anxiety, stress, and financial challenges. Preparing a path to navigate will guide our intentions while helping to save our sanity.
Autumn is the opportune time to consider the powerful benefits of a family meeting.
Regardless of the size of our family, whether we’re an individual, part of a couple, adult kids at home, have children or no, the benefits of a family meeting help demystify the questions to our household’s most challenging questions while providing a blueprint to help us outline the direction we would like our family to grow. A family meeting is an opportunity to connect, brainstorm, plan, and dream while streamlining our processes to help create a friction-free home.
When we facilitate a regular family meeting, we add a valuable tool to help us manage our household efficiently, effectively, and with incredibly less friction. The benefits of a family meeting include reducing confusion and fatigue while introducing rhythm and cohesion. A family meeting provides us with a foundation upon which we can synchronize our schedules, outline expectations, collectively establish priorities, and discuss and design our objectives for our family and our home. A family meeting helps us take the guesswork out of when the bathroom might finally get remodeled to knowing what’s for dinner - before it’s actually time for dinner - and everything else in between.
The party’s this weekend? Your mom is coming dinner tonight? His school play is tomorrow? You didn’t tell me you didn’t pick up the dry cleaning. Why can’t we go on vacation? Where is my uniform? What’s for dinner? When can we get a dog? Why do I have to clean the bathroom? Why does she always get the fun jobs? (Lions and tigers and bears… oh my!)
The family meeting is one of the most effective and significant bonding experiences a family can create. A family meeting gives every member a chance to be heard and involved in decision making.
Ten Simple Steps to a Successful Family Meeting:
Establish the environment. If weather permits, go outside. If going outside isn’t favorable, gather in a place that’s free of clutter and noise. Experiment with different locations dependent on the family members’ ages and abilities. Combine nonrestrictive distraction-free spaces with comfort. No phones or screens.
Establish a time limit. Fifteen to thirty minutes is a realistic time frame. If younger children are involved, consider limiting the meeting to fifteen minutes or less.
Partner the meeting with an activity. Pizza and game night, bike ride and ice cream, walk in the woods and hot cocoa.
Take turns alternating who conducts the meeting. We’ll also need a notetaker. Roles can evolve as the meetings evolve. When given the chance, children are excellent facilitators. Having children manage or co-conduct family meetings encourages engagement, commitment, and ownership while promoting confidence and self-esteem.
Create an agenda. Considering starting the meeting acknowledging a highlight or a “feel-good.” Discuss what’s going right before turning attention elsewhere. What’s happening this week? Who’s going where? Activities, social plans? Travel or out of town? Doctor’s appointments? Evening meetings? Big exam? Presentation? Visitors? What’s happening this month? Discuss upcoming home projects. Talk about places you’d like to go and things you’d like to experience.
Discuss meals for the week. Meal planning is a sanity-saving step that eliminates stress while saving us oodles of time and money. Eliminating the ongoing question of what’s for dinner (and breakfast and lunch for that matter) is a simple strategy we can implement that helps make meal time enjoyable and nourishing, the way it was designed to be. Ask everyone to suggest a favorite dish or something they’d like to try. Whoever makes the suggestion can be involved in the preparation as well as the cooking. Factor in evening activities and leftovers. Meal planning is a foundational building block for friction-free living.
Discuss responsibilities. For our homes to remain friction-free, we need to consistently check in and make adjustments to help keep things in flow. Being clear on expectations and responsibilities helps create a cadence that contributes to family harmony. Create choices and options around chores family contributions. If the washer of dishes really prefers folding and putting away laundry, consider switching some roles. Change roles and responsibilities as needed.
Focus on progress and release perfection. The pressure of social media is real; the images behind the pressure are not. The highlight reels most often only show the shiny stuff. Letting go of external expectations creates a clearing on which our family can grow and blossom in its own organic way.
Daydream. In a culture that encourages us to constantly produce, I invite you to step way from the grind and into a space with your family to recenter and reconnect. Daydreaming as a family creates an arsenal of suggestions, ideas, and wishes to which we can revisit, plan, and build upon. If our family really really really wants to take that trip to the mountains next summer, what steps do we need to start taking now to have that vision come to fruition? A family meeting is the perfect place to begin that planning process.
Reflect. Invite gratitude in. Family time spent reflecting on purpose, values, and toward creating a harmonious-centered home will mirror through us as individuals and in the way we move through the world.
If you or your family feel averse to the word meeting, consider calling it a huddle, gathering, or get-together. If you have teenagers, expect a few eye rolls. If you have young children, expect some interruptions or outbursts. If you’re unattached, you get to do whatever your starry heart desires. The beauty of this practice is that it can grow with you and your family. It’s an outward expression that you and your family matter.
As a family meeting is just one slice of the pie to help us best manage and maintain a harmonious home, Family Happiness Factors offers further suggestions and strategies to create a home with clear communication while removing assumptions that things are magically going to get done. Looking for a little more? Real Simple suggests: 4 Family Meetings Everyone Should Have.
Our families are sacred and require attentive love and clear communication for all members to feel validated and supported. Our homes are the structures that provide our families with nourishment and protection. Carving out the necessary time to make sure it all stays fluid and friction free is a necessity that no family should be without.